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23 entries this month
19:03 Oct 31 2008
Times Read: 832
I'm in the mood to preform an exorcism, I wonder why..
03:38 Oct 31 2008
Times Read: 830
Well I'm off to bed. Hopefully things will go better than last night, my heart stopped again for a few moments...not fun.
I think I'm going to clean out my journal tomorrow, I don't like having over 300 entries.
00:48 Oct 31 2008
Times Read: 843
I'm sure this will offend some folks but here is a list of things I really dislike (not sure why I'm thinking on this).
Anything to do with "Rocky" films including the word Balboa.
The name Barlow.
Anything Harry Potter.
Those who claim to be a real Druid that hasn't gone to Celtic lands.
Pretty much anything "Wiccan" (in the modern meaning).
Those who claim to be Christian but don't accept Christ.
The hollow earth theory.
Original Darwinian evolution.
The Boston accent.
Hanna Montana, Josh n' Drake and other similar things.
Cheap chocolate.
Survivor Man (although I love Man vs. Wild).
People who spElL LiKe tHis or add -yre to words that should end in -ire.
Stupid commercials such as "I'm callin you cheap", "Freecreditreport.com", "I'm lovin' it", "Where you at?" and so forth.
People who think the US is a democracy.
Really girly gays with the exception of MBK ;)
Anything Juggalo/etta/ICP or whatever the heck it is.
Thats all I can think of.
See, I'm not that nice :)
21:13 Oct 29 2008
Times Read: 857
I am perhaps one of the most open-minded people on Earth. That not only means I accept the possibility of other faiths, "fringe" sciences etc but I can also put myself in the psychological state of persons with extreme thought processes including those who commit "evil" actions. With the exception of violence due to petty things.
For example, I know of accounts where people have been killed over $3 in drugs, shot because someone "looked" at them the wrong way, fights over games, violence over sports and so on.
It makes no sense to me to get bent out of shape so much you hit a person because of something that really doesn't matter.
I wonder about the mental stability of anyone who engages in petty or random acts of violence and at times it makes me question the future of humanity.
How stupid, how primal does a person have to be to fight for reasons other than true self-defense? How self absorbed must a group of people be to promote or praise such actions?
09:54 Oct 25 2008
Times Read: 889
I know I haven't been on here as much as I'd like to but you guys know that I can't do much but take a dumb and thats about it lol.
Currently I am trippin' my balls off. I hear yellow and touch a dream and many other benign symptopms.
I am going to try to get an appt. with a new doctor to help me with the 754 non-pain related issuse I have. For intance I have two hard, lumppy areas on either side of my lower abdoman. They're under the skin and don't hurt, they move around. I doubt it's nothining more than muscles and other internal gewwyness.
Until next time, Ciao
--Xzavier
Note: It took me like 25 min, to write this simple entry.
05:41 Oct 21 2008
Times Read: 911
People who abuse prescription drugs tick me off so badly. Not only is it illegal and dangerous but it also makes the life of those who actually need them a hell of a lot harder.
Because of the selfishness of those people I've had to get needles stuck in my back, be on medications that made me loose weight and sent me to the ER due to complications. Not to mention that every word I say is held under suspect and even my own doctors hold back legit. treatments for fear of their own license.
So to those that abuse drugs, no matter how small an amount, f*k YOU!
I just felt like getting that out of my system :)
On a lighter note I've been eating a lot more (passed the 1500cal mark today) and my depression has all but disappeared.
Yesterday I was watching a medical show and the patient had a very serious and rare condition but it could be treated with medications. However, his government wanted to operate and fore-go drugs. The kicker was that the patient was/is extremely immuno-compromised and the surgery would open up hundreds of small wounds. Thankfully he did not get an infection. What kills me is the fact that any first year med. school student knows you avoid surgery as much as possible in any immuno-compromised patient.
Thats it for now.
--X
10:50 Oct 20 2008
Times Read: 924
I think I'm going to write a small bit on the potential for real dragons that have either existed or may still exist.
My photobucket gets 30,000 hits a month..I'm popular :)
05:15 Oct 19 2008
Times Read: 933
Just as I had expected it was employee negligence that cause the explosion of my old job. It razed the building and sent projectiles of explosive material hundreds of yards out.
I'm glad no one got hurt but the 3 that were so incompetent to do something like that should at least get a nom. for the "Darwin Awards." Not to mention some jail time, bastards.
I loved that place. Three years of selling explosives, you can't get any more fun than that.
18:17 Oct 18 2008
Times Read: 949
Still haven't slept since yesterday so I made my signature breakfast. It's 2 fried eggs, 3 sausages and 2 pieces of toast cooked in the grease and they all have my secret spice mix:) It's exactly 700cal and is actually alright when it comes to the fat and sodium content. A great amount of vit. A, iron, potassium, fiber, calcium and low in sat. fat.
I am very tired and have to dish out a "beat down" on one of my friends for a lack of self motivation and drive. Apart from ignorance the one thing that will get me to snap is if you lack basic self-drive after you've been helped through your "issues." It wont be pleasant but I don't pull people out of poverty, give them an education, employment and then have them turn into an uncaring, unmotivated slob.
On a lighter note my swallowing is getting better, haven't choked yet today. I am so not looking forward to any more vegus nerve degeneration.
And on to taking more pills than supposed to so I can try and get some friggin sleep!
Peace~
Xman
07:26 Oct 18 2008
Times Read: 965
Is it bad that it's hard for me to swallow liquids? I've choked on water several times.
|unpleasant|
00:32 Oct 18 2008
Times Read: 976
I am the most awesome person on Earth! I gained 6oz this month, woot :) lol
09:47 Oct 15 2008
Times Read: 1,025
Arg! When did Ambien and Oxycontin start keeping folks up at night!?
I need some tea perhaps or a blunt object to use on my face lol
04:43 Oct 15 2008
Times Read: 1,047
Shaved mah face for the first time in 30 days, I look like a 12 year old!
17:55 Oct 14 2008
Times Read: 1,071
Yay, the fun just wont stop! It seems as though I need to rush to have both an echocardiogram and a detailed MRI of my brain. My dr. also refused to increase any of my medications for fear they are masking a more serious problem. The events (some of which I've kept secret) of this month leads my to believe there may be something to that.
Anyone got $5 grand I could borrow? lol
00:42 Oct 14 2008
Times Read: 1,085
I got a call and then saw the news where my old job (where they sell explosives) caught on fire and then blew up. All thats left is the front, concrete wall and bits of metal.
I worked there for 3 years, rather sad. I don't know if anyone was hurt, this time of year theres only 2 employees inside. But I do know that it was a multi-million dollar loss and may not be rebuilt despite great profit.
22:18 Oct 12 2008
Times Read: 1,107
Well after a long search I found my earliest ancestor on my fathers side Elim mac Conrach, High King of Ireland (56-80AD) son of Conrai of which there is no further record. Who also usurped the throne of Tara later reclaimed by Tuathal Techtmar ruler of Ulster.
Through this line we find Niall Noigiallach founder of the Uí Néill, High King of Ireland who died around 405 AD.
Ancestor of the Kindred of Lorne, 1 of the 3 sons of Erc. Founders of Dal Riata (Dalriada encompassing Northern Ireland and Western Scotland) Dalriada 500AD-858AD proper.
From this we find Kenneth MacAlpin, King of the Picts and Scots ancestor of Robert the Bruce, Mary Queen of Scots and HM Queen Elizabeth II ruler of the Common Realm.
On my mothers side we have Tefnakht I Pharaoh 732–725 BC, ancestor of Necho II Pharaoh, 610 - 595 BC after which we find Psamitk III Pharaoh 526–525 BC the last Pharaoh of the 26th Dynasty.
It's taken me about 5 years to find all of this. On a non direct path my family is connected to most of the modern European royal families and several pioneers and Presidents of the US. Including, directly, Prs. James K. Polk.
Little is known about my Cherokee history past 200 years.
05:36 Oct 11 2008
Times Read: 1,133
As many of you have noticed I've been away for a while. Things are getting better but I still don't feel well enough to get on here for long periods. I should be back to my old self by mid week.
I've had to change my diet (once again) which means I get to enjoy the things I like even less. Of course considering the alternatives I'll gladdy make the changes.
The past week or so I've been doing a lot of thinking on magnetic induction technologies and ways to test a few theories for a relatively cheap price. It doesn't help that the global economy is tanking.
Last night I had a nice long chat with my mom and came to realize how much I've let depression and anxiety take hold of my life. It's rather amazing how emotional stress can alter your physical body. "If you don't control your body your body will control you" thats pretty darn true.
Well I guess thats it for now.
See ya,
--X
07:56 Oct 07 2008
Times Read: 1,165
About a week to go before my next doctors appointment and it couldn't be here too soon.
The past few days have been pretty sucky due to the loverlyness of my condition. For one, because my back is mucked up, some of the nerves like to get ground on and just makes you feel like pissin sunshine.
Since the nerve damage is ascending (the return signal) a lot of my muscles will go into a contractory state for hours if not days which causes a bunch of headaches and migraines.
I get so tired writing things like this but like I've said before this wee interwebnets is about the only place I write and keep up with things.
Feel a bit bad since the past two days I haven't been all that active in Lux as I would have liked to have started out.
Not sure what else to write since nothing new has really happened. How I miss going out every night to talk "shop" until 6 AM.
09:06 Oct 05 2008
Times Read: 1,196
Today I was given the privilege of joining the Coven of Lux Aeterna as an ACM. I'm very proud and happyfied to be a part of Lux.
Of course I enjoyed my time at Infinitis Serenus and will always look fondly on them but duty calls.
20:51 Oct 04 2008
Times Read: 1,226
First, I want to thank everyone for their kind words and well wishes, they mean to world to me.
I suppose I was just trying to do much at once while my condition was getting worse.
Things emotionally are still pretty frayed but I think I can carry on a bit longer.
It's official, I can no longer drive due to way to many near misses and few non misses ;) It stinks because I like to drive but I could get used to being driven everywhere lol.
Anyway I've got Coven work to do now so ciao
--X
05:47 Oct 04 2008
Times Read: 1,258
I wonder how many people think it's improper for me to be so open in these journals?
I'm getting an assistant to help me do all the SS paperwork which will make things go faster.
I'm still in a lot of pain (no meds) and depressed but not nearly as suicidal.
Still putting off all projects until further notice, which includes the occasional poem.
09:33 Oct 03 2008
Times Read: 1,313
I'm just coming out and saying it. I'm done with writing, I've stopped Abaddon and all other written works. I'm finished with it all, I'm done.
I'm done with politics and religion as well.
Yeah, perhaps the muse has left me and maybe one day I'll feel the fire again but it hurts to much either way.
You spend your entire life tying to do good and be good.
And all of it, the hole g*ddamned mess of it is pointless when they're aren't any who can hear or understand what I'm saying.
I can't do it, I'm done. I should never have tried it and I knew it was wrong but I just wanted so badly to produce a selection worth remembrance to comfort, warn and teach the world around me.
And so when it came to it I had to decide something. I will die in silence, alone. I will die some winters night with a still air. And everything I am, was or aspired to be will be forgotten in deaths of the few who knew me.
I will never have existed, I will be forgotten, my greatest fear.
And so now I will be a good little VR member, pay my taxs and deal in life no more.
05:37 Oct 02 2008
Times Read: 1,337
More repetitive paperwork for the SS people.
I've been going over a line in my head all day "I will blindly walk into this our holocaust"
That means something and I'm getting a little 'tortured artist' about it.
What does that mean, what will it mean?
Perhaps my mind has grown to brittle in these last days.
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COMMENTS
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misterstikki
19:13 Oct 31 2008
to anyone I know of? lol